I hit the halfway point of my pregnancy on Wednesday. It’s been 20 weeks. Unbelievable. Time is moving along too quickly. I’ve been wondering how to slow it down, savour this pregnancy, the summer, my freedom.
My cards this morning sent me on a track of thinking about moving from a place of being results oriented or stuck in my natural habitat – earthy, serious, dependable, to a place of being process oriented and playfully creative. Not my strong suits.
I adore my to do lists. Nothing satiates like crossing off a task. Boy do I feel accomplished when I look at my notebook with all those crisp lines symbolizing something complete – a result. This aspect of my personality is in my numbers. Four is my Soul number. I get a deeply fulfilled feeling from completing tasks, from being productive, from the results.
I do honour this about myself as a prize, a blessing, a strength. However, having my mind always on the end of a thing instead of enjoying doing the thing keeps me out of the present moment and creates anxiety. Yuck!
I am a Capricorn, earth mother, dependable, serious. I am not naturally inclined to be particularly playful. There is a place behind my heart that tightens even thinking about it. It’s too vulnerable a place to go! Which is all the more reason to start going there – get some practice in before this little blessing enters our lives.
I am hopeful that being present while working, enjoying the process as much as the end result, and cultivating more play will ground me more deeply in joy and the present moment. I do this work so my magical pregnancy won’t be rushed, so the warm summer sun doesn’t fade too quickly, so I enjoy my last months of freedom with my lovely husband before our lives are transformed forever.
For now, I get to cross off “Blog Post” from my list. OoOoh. The feels.
Tamara Tiana 